sometimes im just like consumed by how badly I want to lose weight and mostly its after I go clothes shopping. since ive learned how to dress myself though it hasnt been me sobbing because the clothes dont fit, its been me lamenting that I cant buy that thing because it doesnt go up to a large enough size. I think really that I’ve come to accept my size and the fact that hey maybe at this store, the size 20s will fit better and look nicer than the 18s. so maybe part of what I needed to be comfortable losing weight was to be comfortable with the fat to begin with. right now I feel like I could exist any which way and be happy. my main motivator for weight loss is fashion and I feel like thats a good motivator to have.